I have Illusions of grandeur a stupid belief that what I create is important or of grate value to humankind. It’s not al an illusion, for I have ben graced by several  people who believe in me. Who I’m eternally grateful to. 

Why then do I have days like this? Where my quest for greatness seems futile? Where my stomach turns upside down and I feel trapped within my own thoughts? Is it not the journey one should enjoy and cherish? 

This is my weakness I’m vulnerable to overwhelming emotions. 

It is not confirmation that I seek, because I know my pictures Rock. What I desire is a guaranty that I can live from my work.

I’m currently doing a MA that gives me an amazing opportunity to grow as an artist. Which I’m trying to make the most of. But I struggle to see how the odds for success can be in my favour in a society that worships football players, pop musicians and reality TV contestants as deities.  

If I was studying banking, I could put my trust in my ability to steel money. Or If I studied something more honerebal such as a craft I could put my trust in my skill. 

What happened to the society where we strived to become better humans, where we wanted to see beyond our own perception? Did it ever exist? Or am I just blind?

Al I see is a society that can only survive the more people become consumers. 

OK society is not perfect but it should be said that what it throws at you is only hurdles to be overcome, the only enemy is one self who we al are truly fighting. 

However if I was to make a busines proposal of my practice I’m certain it would be pointed out to me that art is far from a viable financial idea. 

I’m not a business man as suggested by an Indian guru I met in Varanasi, I’m an artist who only can make good work that tries to ask questions and provoke you in to a discussion.