I walk through the white void with a thin carpet of mist that swirls
with every step I take. Out of the corner of my eye I see elegantly decadent
female ghosts indulging in sinful pleasures. I smiles at them, secretly wishing
they were touchable, but they are beyond my reality. 

I come to a black stone shaped as an orb with a blue flame in its
centre. It is the first physical object I’ve seen since I left the waking
world. I touch the polished surface and feel a slight vibration. The sensation
is exhilarating, I touch it with both hands, through my left hand I feel a slow
pulsating beat and through the right hand I feel a frantic vibe. My brain
starts to interoperate the vibrations as spoken words; I find the stone talking
to me most peculiar. 

“You might have good conversations with acquaintances when you meet them
her, but most of the people in this domain appear as ghosts and don’t sense you
because you are a single Dominant Male, you have entered a realm were you are
seen upon as a predator with evil intentions and as a threat to the current
state of affairs. You must find a female companion.” “But were if not here do I
find a companion who can walk on the path I have chosen?” “Now that is the
paradox, for you are a reserved, considerate and kind Male who does not take
the first move, because he fears rejection, but most of al you don’t want to be
looked at as if you were a degenerate male. The funniest thing though, is that
the girls you are most attracted to are also the ones that are the last to
approach any man, since they have no need to. Your paradox is hilarious and
something that you share with a lot of men, but what makes me laugh the most is
that time and time again you enter this void in the hopes that this time it
will be different. But for a few exceptions and snippets it is always the
same.” With a cold voice I replay “I know al that, and I know that I must find
it within my self to become someone that can charm the type of woman I want to
dance across the stars with.” “Indulge me and tell what kind of women do you
desire” 

I close my eyes and smile at the fragrance of confidence. “She is a
public person, someone who likes to be in the centre of attention and enjoys
men looking at her. She is intelligent, reflective and creative with strong
personal opinions. But most importantly she is wiling to give her body and soul
to the man she chooses. “ The stone laughs to the degree were even the air
vibrates. “She is the reflection of your self.” “Yes if I am these things why
should I not be aloud to require it from my dance partner? But note this, I
don’t want a copy of my self, her opinions and interests are not mine” 

“You should lower your standards my boy.” “I’m not going to commit to a
girl I can not say from my hart that I love.” The stone goes cooled and with a
slow vibration says, “ah… I start to sense something interesting about you
here, you desire to frolic with a vast number of girls, but as we’ve seen your
personality does not suit this sort of behavior. However if you find the women
you desire, then you will be able to approach the other sex and they will not
reject you far from as often as now. So the women you meet can not be jealous,
in fact she must enjoy watching you entertain other women, just like you enjoy
watching her in the arms of other men and women?” “Yes” “Well good luck to you
my boy.”

Silence consumes us as I stand with my
hands firmly on the black orb. The ghosts explode in to a climax of decadence,
and al my desires flicker in front of my eyes, tantalizing me. But I smile and
try to enjoy my place on the fence. The orb brakes the silence, “Some friendly
advise, instead of masochistically subjecting your self to this white void, go
to the brown rooms instead, for the people their are more approachable.” “Yes I
have found a room that I’m comfortable inn and with people that I can identify
with” “Then what are you doing here?” “I enjoy the sites, the music and covering
my body in rubber.” “You pervert boy you.” “Enough with the boy already, I’m no
boy I’m a Man.” “Oh how wrong you are, you will be a boy until you get to
release that beast that is within you, boiling away at your flesh.” Finally the
orb has found a way to annoy me and I replay angrily. “Obviously that wont
happen her.” “With a strut I leave the black orb for reality.” As I leave the
blue flame within the orb expands outward, in an attempt to burn me down, but
I’m already gone. I’m In my own room, tightly tucked under my covers, I smile
knowing two things, one that I’m expanding who I can be for every inch of time
that passes by and two that time again I will rise from the ashes.

First writen: Sat
24 Nov 07, 3:50 PM