The clearest stage of a
metamorphism from one “person” to another in our human lives is when we go from
child to adult. As children we do not want to grow up, but there is a point in
our development where this changes and we start to desire it. For my self I can
say that I started to fantasise about being perverted, I would wish that a
demonic fantasy woman materialised in front of me and took away my innocence.
However that never happened, but never the less my innocence was lost and I had
become an adult. With my fantasy figure I opened many dark doors within me. But
the fantasy is not enough; one gains a desire to meet the materialisation of
the fantasy figure. For most men this might not be a problem since she is more
often then not described as a skinny women with big breasts. But my fantasy
figure has to many attributes to be able to exist as one real person. At first
one has a childhood naivety that she can be found, but under the search one
realises that the development from childhood to man went beyond reality. With
this realisation comes a hate towards the fantasy figure for taking away the
innocents. After a while one realises that the fantasy figure is non other then
your own ego, but one doesn’t start hating the ego you just continue to blame
the fantasy figure.

First written: 01/05/2005 23:56